Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
