my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Less talking, more tequila
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
