I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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