eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
