Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
