But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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