I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
