never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
