Tell her she can't have a vagina
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
