Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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