you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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