chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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