Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
