Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we're so committed to being not committed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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