Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
