You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
