i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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