He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
