I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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