I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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