She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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