I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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