dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
