i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
