So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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