She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
