During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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