he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
