we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
