I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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