is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dignity is for republicans.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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