Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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