these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
