Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
