I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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