He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
