Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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