So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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