dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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