And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
