to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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