It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
