I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
