having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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