I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
