I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
