We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is Oprah even human
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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