Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
