you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
