U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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