Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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