i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
