Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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