chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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