youre lurking in front of me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
