i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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