I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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