Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
