You can't motorboat a personality
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
as a side note pls kill me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
