drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
