Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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