You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
