i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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