32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
