direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
