She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why do cheetos always look like penises
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
