I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
