Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
