omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
