the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
