lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
