Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's the barista slut.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
